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Early Retirement

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FredT:
Just released, new plan for early retirement.

Dear Citizens,

 Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the
Economy, I, President Obama have decided to implement a scheme to put
Workers of 50 years of age and above on early retirement.

 This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

 Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to Congress to be considered
for The SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination).

 Persons who have bee n RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the
SCREW Program (Scheme Covering R etired-Early Workers).

 A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as
I, President Obama deem appropriate.

 Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for
Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel
Early Severance).

 Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or
SCREWED Any further by me, President Obama.

 Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT
 (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. I, President Obama have
Always prided myself on the amount of SHIT I give our citizens.

 Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this
To the attention of your Congressman, who has been trained to give you
All the SHIT you can handle.

 Sincerely,

 President Obama

 PS - - Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity,
gas And oil, as well as current market conditions, the Light at the End
of The Tunnel has been turned off

Massageman:
I have streamlined my life so as to combine my retirement plan with my life insurance termination clause:

When I run out of money, I'm through, so I will retire when I'm dead.

Jay:
FredT - awesome post!  Did you write this or find it in your web browsing as discussed in other posts?

FredT:
My wife's sister forwarded it to her mom, who forwarded it to my wife who forwarded it to me.....  (I get a dozen or so a week this way.)

Wizard:
Fred,
Very good, but not new. About 30 years ago when I was still in the military a very similar thing was floting around.

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